Breathing Room

This space has four different sections

If you’re feeling
distressed right now,
look at

Grounding
methods



If you’ve caught your breath and still feel a
little off, see

 Care for physiological needs



If you’re wanting to take some time and set yourself up for more resilience overall

Growing
resilient systems



And if you’re feeling stuck
or blocked around a particular topic or project, see

 Unblocking exercises




Grounding Methods

right now

Orient to the space around you

  • 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 – Look around yourself and name:
    • 5 things you can see
    • 4 things you can touch
    • 3 things you can hear
    • 2 things you can smell
    • 1 thing you can taste

This technique will take you through your five senses to help remind you of the present. This is a calming technique that can help you get through tough or stressful situations.

Take a deep belly breath to begin.

5 – LOOK: Look around for 5 things that you can see, and say them out loud. For example, you could say, I see the computer, I see the cup, I see the picture frame.

4 – FEEL: Pay attention to your body and think of 4 things that you can feel, and say them out loud. For example, you could say, I feel my feet warm in my socks, I feel the hair on the back of my neck, or I feel the pillow I am sitting on.

3 – LISTEN: Listen for 3 sounds. It could be the sound of traffic outside, the sound of typing or the sound of your belly rumbling. Say the three things out loud.

2 – SMELL: Say two things you can smell. If you’re allowed to, it’s okay to move to another spot and sniff something. If you can’t smell anything at the moment or you can’t move, then name your 2 favorite smells.

1 – TASTE: Say one thing you can taste. It may be the toothpaste from brushing your teeth, or a mint from after lunch. If you can’t taste anything, then say your favorite thing to taste.

Take another deep belly breath to end.

(Adapted from this page)


Connect with your breath

  • Take a moment to sit with your breath. Without trying to change anything, just notice how the breath feels, for a few cycles of inhaling and exhaling.
  • Count during your inhale and exhale, just as they are.
  • Now, gently try slowing down the breath, with the exhale a few counts longer than the inhale.
    Longer outbreaths help activate your parasympathetic nervous system, and can invite your body to ease down from feelings of anxiety.
  • If you’d like a more specific breathing technique, try one of methods listed here: 

Inhale for a count of 7; exhale for a count of 11

  • If you’re wearing pants with a tight waistband, loosen them or change into looser pants if possible, so that your lower belly can relax to take in deep breaths.
  • Box breathing is a simple technique that a person can do anywhere, including at a work desk or in a cafe. Before starting, people should sit with their back supported in a comfortable chair and their feet on the floor.
    1. Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose while counting to four slowly. Feel the air enter your lungs.
    2. Hold your breath inside while counting slowly to four. Try not to clamp your mouth or nose shut. Simply avoid inhaling or exhaling for 4 seconds.
    3. Begin to slowly exhale for 4 seconds.
    4. Hold your breath inside while counting slowly to four. Try not to clamp your mouth or nose shut. Simply avoid inhaling or exhaling for 4 seconds.
    5. Repeat steps 1 to 4 at least three times. Ideally, repeat the three steps for 4 minutes, or until calm returns.
  • If someone finds the technique challenging to begin with, they can try counting to three instead of four. Once someone is used to the technique, they may choose to count to five or six.
  • Source link (modified slightly)
  • Again, if you’re wearing pants with a tight waistband, loosen them or change into looser pants if possible, so that your lower belly can relax to take in deep breaths.
  • Place one hand on your chest, and one hand on your low belly.
  • As you breathe in and out, which hand is moving?
  • Maybe it’s just the upper hand, on your chest.
    • Sometimes, when you’re feeling anxious, you might breathe shallowly, moving the upper chest and expanding the upper ribs to draw air into the lungs
  • Invite your low belly to relax, so that you can feel the hand on your belly move out when you inhale, and move in when you exhale.
  • Background:
    • The thoracic diaphragm muscle is what causes you to breathe in. It’s attached at the bottom to your ribs and spine, and it contracts down, creating negative pressure that pulls air into your lungs.
    • If it’s tense from stress, or your belly is tense, you breathe more shallowly.
    • More info and exercises


The rest of the exercises on this page are from the book Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy:

Inhale as if you are breathing in through the straw. On the exhale, purse your lips and breathe out long and slowly.

On the outbreath, contract the muscles of the larynx to add resistance to the exhalation. The sound you make will sound like the waves of the ocean. Allow your exhale to gradually be longer than your inhale. Pause at the end of the exhale.

These breathing techniques are for addressing dorsal vagal activation (dissociation, collapse, lethargy):

Breathe deeply into the whole torso, then immediately push the air out, and notice it filling up again. You may sound like a locomotive as the breath gets a bit more rapid and rhythmic. Your belly will draw in toward your spine.

If you are familiar with pranayama from yoga, you can do the Breath of Fire, which is similar to the previous exercise only faster.

Stand, arms at sides. Breathe in, lifting your arms, palms facing up, upward toward the ceiling. Breathe out, bringing your arms, palms facing down, back along your sides, drawing your navel toward your spine. Repeat.

As you exhale, see if there is a sound you want to make. You may first hear it inside—a vowel sound or even a word.


Move your body

  • Move your body in some way that you enjoy, to change your sensory context, get some pent-up energy moving, and ground in your body sensations.
  • You can start with big movements or very very tiny movements – even just wiggling a toe or finger, and seeing how that feels.
  • As you engage with this, notice any movements that don’t feel good to your body, and modify your pose or practice accordingly.
  • To start, feel how the ground supports you. Whether you’re sitting in a chair, standing up, or lying down, feel the way all your weight just transfers right from your sit bones or your feet or your back, right into the earth. Shift a little, back and forth, side to side, feel where it’s most aligned. You’ve been holding up a lot – let the earth carry it!
  • Is there any shape or motion that your body wants to make? Sometimes we might even want to fold forward or curl up in a ball or lie down. How was that?
  • Or, here are some movements you might try – which sound most appealing?
    • Put energetic music on headphones or speakers, and dance for a few minutes!
    • Try jumping!
    • What if you were Godzilla, or the Hulk? Try out how it feels to S T O M P!
      • (If you have downstairs neighbors, extra challenge level: make huge high-knee arm-waving STOMPS that you also pull up at the last minute. An enormous gesture that lands so softly!)
    • Walk around, indoors or outdoors
    • Jog or run
    • If you have a yoga or fitness practices, try out some stretches or bodyweight exercises
    • If you have a foam roller, use that for self-massage

Care for Physiological Needs

  • How’re you doing on water, food, sleep, temperature, etc?
  • Do any of these sound appealing right now?
    • Cool drink, like water, electrolytes, or juice
    • Hot tea
    • Snack or meal
    • Turning on a fan
    • Getting a warm blanket
    • Running your hands under cool water, or splashing your face with cool water
    • Adjusting your clothing – if too tight, too scratchy, too warm, not warm enough
    • Taking a nap, or listening to a 20-minute Non-Sleep Deep Rest guided meditation
      • Yes! This can be a great use of a pomodoro – especially if you’ve been feeling stressed, and it helps you come back to your intentions rested and refreshed
    • Taking a shower or bath
    • Are there any medications or supplements that you usually take around this time?

Growing Resilient systems

Manual of Being Kind to Myself: Make your own custom guide to practices for grounding, nourishing, celebrating, and reflecting

Slack Inventory: Take stock of the buffers and flexibility in your life, and see if there are opportunities to apply areas of abundance to ease areas of tension or scarcity

When people feel upset, it’s sometimes hard to remember the basic things that help get you back to feeling centered and present. 

In this exercise, you’ll make your own guide, with practices that you know work well for you, and maybe some new ones to explore. We’ll cover:

  • Grounding exercises and supportive practices for:
    • The first 30 seconds
    • 3 to 15 minutes
    • 15 min to 1hr
  • Nourishing structures and routines
  • Celebration!

It’s a living document, so you can always go back and reflect on what worked well, and change anything that’s not a good fit. There’s also a section at the end for Reflection questions.

You can also make a version to give to a loved one, if there’s someone on your crew who would value an outline of ideas and prompts for supporting you and celebrating you. 

Here’s the worksheet template

If you haven’t yet, take a look at this article on “slack” as the flexibilities and buffers that keep households going. The authors explore the concept of households as mini ecosystems, and this systems lens can be a valuable resource for making life decisions and weathering unexpected situations.

Check out our extensive worksheet with prompts to explore:

  1. The household system(s) that you’re part of
  2. Categories for surviving and thriving
  3. Areas of slack and tension
  4. Areas of need and resource
  5. Brainstorming ideas for shifting slack around, increasing capacities, and creating more resilience


Unblocking Exercises

Writer’s Unblock: A few very targeted writing prompts – working with “I don’t know…”, “It’s totally impossible because…” and  “I hate to admit it, but…”

Fear Setting: A thorough, pragmatic exercise for working with fear around making decisions

So you’re feeling stuck or blocked on something!
That happens.

Often, when that happens, we try to hype ourselves up, be confident, push through, and focus on the positive.

This is a different exercise! For right now, I invite you to let your doubtful, fearful, and downright obstructionist parts take the keyboard (or pen).

Writing out doubts and objections puts you under no obligation to act any particular way. In fact, it’s best to write these without a filter, even the absurd ones, and then go back later and see if you’ve discovered anything that might be useful for taking your intention back to the drawing board.

Try completing these prompts in different ways, as many times as it feels useful and interesting:

I don’t know…

It’s totally impossible because…

I hate to admit it, but…

If you’re hesitating to make a big change in your life, or feeling stuck around a relatively small decision, it can help to lay your fears out on the table.

Use this worksheet to:

  • Generate a list of feared outcomes
  • Decide how you might prevent each one from happening, or repair the situation if it did occur
  • Explore the benefits of an attempt or partial success
  • Consider the costs of inaction