Grieving & Letting Go – Honour, explore and release your grief

Honoring the desire

At the time you set your intention, it mattered deeply to you. If you’re reading this exercise, it’s probably because something about that still feels present, even if circumstances have changed and it no longer makes sense for you to enact this intention.

See if you can bring to mind the past version of you that set this intention, or the part of yourself that’s still carrying this desire. What’s it like, to be in touch with them? (If this feels overwhelming or upsetting, talk with a coach or check in with these grounding methods.)

Once you’re feeling a sense of connection and care towards this part of you, notice and honor any feelings that are coming up. Really witness and honor how much this intention has meant to you.

You could also empathize with yourself, making the move of “giving the wish in fantasy”:

  • “Whew, yeah. I really wish we’d been able to keep the cafe open. I wish we’d gotten that community grant — or won the lottery, or had a mysterious wealthy benefactor!”
  • “I really wish I could be in two places at once, so I could’ve stayed in town *and* moved to the new place. I wish I had a teleporter, so I could go back and forth whenever I want!”

Honoring the Pain

Maybe it feels like enough, to honor what mattered so deeply about that intention. If that feels complete, wonderful. If not, maybe there’s also some hurt or sorrow that still needs to be felt, around really finally saying, “This is not ever going to happen in the way I’d hoped.”

What do you need, to create the space for that pain to be witnessed and flow through? Expressing this to someone can be powerful, whether that’s a coach here at this workshop, or a trusted friend or loved one.

It can be easiest to accept a change in your intention, when you feel like you either have complete control over the decision, or no control at all (“It’s out of my hands!”). On the other hand, the feeling of full responsibility can weigh heavy, and a perceived lack of control can feel terrifying.

The truth is, as best anybody can tell, we’re always navigating our intentions and priorities based on a dance of internal desires and the shifting context around us. That in-between space of partial control can be challenging, but also liberating. We’ll talk about this interaction more in the Participation module.

Create a ritual

One way to honor and release an intention is through creating a physical ritual. The overall idea is that you’re enacting something in your external environment, in a way that resonates with and facilitates a shift you’re intending to make internally.

This could be very short and simple, or as elaborate as you want!

Many different traditions share practices around releasing something to the elements, like fire, water, or earth. For letting go of an intention, this could look like:

  • Choosing some material to represent your intention
    • Writing a letter or poem on paper
    • Creating a drawing or other artwork
    • Gathering something from nature, like a flower, piece of wood, or rock
  • Letting that material be transformed
    • Burning a piece of paper or artwork
    • Releasing it into a body of water
    • Burying it and letting it compost in the earth
  • Will I be on my own, or with others?
    • Being witnessed, even by one trusted friend, can be powerful!
  • Will this take place in my space, or somewhere else? Is walking part of the ritual?
  • What’s the vibe? Solemn, wailing, joyful…? Does it start in one tone and move to another?
  • Am I going for simple or elaborate?
    • Simple: Pick up a rock, hold it and feel connected with your intention, chuck it into the sea
    • Elaborate: The Temple at Burning Man
  • Do I need any materials?
    • Some people enjoy setting up an altar, lighting a candle, burning sage or other fragrant plants
    • You may also decide to wear something special or meaningful
  • Do I want to incorporate any music?
    • For example, “Winds of the West” is a beautiful a capella song about letting go
    • Sorrow” by Sleeping At Last is what it says on the tin, with some energy of transformation
    • Let It All Go” by Beats Antique – if you’re beyond ready to dance this off stage!
  • How will I mark the opening and closing of the ritual?

Going forth with new energy

As you’re releasing this intention that’s no longer a good fit, what space is that freeing up? What’s growing in the fertile soil of composted goals? Take a moment to connect with and celebrate the new intentions that you’re welcoming in!